過去這一個月以來，這些畫面一直在我腦海裡出現...
爸爸頭上的白髮...
抱媽媽的時候，突然發現媽媽好小...
媽媽說："你要是回來台灣，我就好像撿回一個女兒"...
坐在高鐵上時看到台灣綠油油的田地和落日...
深夜家裡社區外面亮黃的路燈...
當初心中那種堅定不移的熱情，已經漸漸開始冷卻，我開始不太確定這樣的決定是不是正確的，但我也不確定這是不是因為我一時的脆弱。
每天時間漫長的煎熬，有時讓我想一走了之。跟著其他車子一起開在高速公路上，有時會給我一種身不由己的無奈。每天睜開眼睛，綠色的小房間有時想讓我永遠閉上眼睛。
我感覺到靈魂的乾枯，就好像眼睜睜看著手中的流沙一點一滴的消失。
我還不夠強壯。
自以為過去三年的時間已經讓我比以前更加強壯，這時才發現那只是曇花一現的假象。
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Chinese is one of the most difficult language in the world?!
For Tao Yuran,
I was at an Chinese language related event the other day. I happened to overhear a Chinese lady said to a white student that Chinese is the most difficult language in the world. Actually I really wanted to snap at that Chinese lady. How can we attract more foreign students to study Chinese if we keep telling them that Chinese is the most difficult language in the world?
Maybe it is a good tag line to attract students who would like to study something that offers challenges. However, I believe that people prefer something easier. Considering my future job prospects, I always tell people that Chinese is not as difficult as you think.
Let's make the statement more specific. As regards to speaking, Chinese is not as difficult as people think.
First, there is no conjugation of verbs in Chinese. Unlike European languages, one does not have to memorize a variety of verb changes according to tense, mood and aspect when he or she is studying Chinese. For example, 去 (qu4; go) is always the same in any situation. There is no qu"s", qu"ing", and qu"ed" in Chinese.
Second, even the noun forms do not have to be changed in Chinese. Many European languages have gender markings. One does not have to worry about these complications in Chinese.
However, as regards to Chinese characters, they might be a challenge for Chinese learners. But, technology nowadays makes learning Chinese characters much easier than before. Students are able to use computers to type Chinese as long as they are familiar with the pinyin system. The high-tech tools such as on-line dictionaries and hand-writing input systems help students increase their efficiency in studying Chinese.
Indeed, Mandarin Chinese is very different from European languages. Those differences might be the problems for the learners whose native languages are not in the same language family as Chinese. However, it does not mean that Chinese is one of the most difficult languages in the world.
I was at an Chinese language related event the other day. I happened to overhear a Chinese lady said to a white student that Chinese is the most difficult language in the world. Actually I really wanted to snap at that Chinese lady. How can we attract more foreign students to study Chinese if we keep telling them that Chinese is the most difficult language in the world?
Maybe it is a good tag line to attract students who would like to study something that offers challenges. However, I believe that people prefer something easier. Considering my future job prospects, I always tell people that Chinese is not as difficult as you think.
Let's make the statement more specific. As regards to speaking, Chinese is not as difficult as people think.
First, there is no conjugation of verbs in Chinese. Unlike European languages, one does not have to memorize a variety of verb changes according to tense, mood and aspect when he or she is studying Chinese. For example, 去 (qu4; go) is always the same in any situation. There is no qu"s", qu"ing", and qu"ed" in Chinese.
Second, even the noun forms do not have to be changed in Chinese. Many European languages have gender markings. One does not have to worry about these complications in Chinese.
However, as regards to Chinese characters, they might be a challenge for Chinese learners. But, technology nowadays makes learning Chinese characters much easier than before. Students are able to use computers to type Chinese as long as they are familiar with the pinyin system. The high-tech tools such as on-line dictionaries and hand-writing input systems help students increase their efficiency in studying Chinese.
Indeed, Mandarin Chinese is very different from European languages. Those differences might be the problems for the learners whose native languages are not in the same language family as Chinese. However, it does not mean that Chinese is one of the most difficult languages in the world.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Blogging
For Tao Yuran.
We talked about his project a little bit last time.
He wants to do some research about adopting blogging as a method to teach writing. Some second language teachers encourage their students to blog in attempted to improve their writing. Tao Yuran asked me about my opinion on blogging. I stated that even though I blog sometimes, I am unsure of the usefulness of blogging in a second language.
First, I wonder how blogging can actually help second language learners with their writing. I believe in the principle "practice makes perfect". However, I wonder how would I improve my writing if no one corrects it for me since I would just repeat the same mistakes.
Second, I have more confidence to blog in Chinese than in English. I guess that is because Chinese is my first language. I have more confidence to use the language that I have known for over 20 years. I don't really want people to find English grammar mistakes in my blog. This is the main reason making me hesitant to blog in English.
Finally, I don't know what to write in my blog because it is open to the public. A lot of people blog because they want to share their ideas, opinions, daily lives, and even their feeling with others. I don't share my feelings with the public, instead I have something called a diary. The only place I would put my personal feelings is in a diary. I feel it is the same as being naked in public if I write my personal feelings in blog. Concerning my daily life, I feel that everyday is almost the same. I see nothing of worth in my daily life to share with others. With respect to sharing ideas and opinions with other people, I do so sometimes, but I carefully select my opinions and audiences beforehand.
Overall, blogging in English might be a good way for some people to practice their writing, but it might be not a good way for me, unless it is a requirement from my teacher.
We talked about his project a little bit last time.
He wants to do some research about adopting blogging as a method to teach writing. Some second language teachers encourage their students to blog in attempted to improve their writing. Tao Yuran asked me about my opinion on blogging. I stated that even though I blog sometimes, I am unsure of the usefulness of blogging in a second language.
First, I wonder how blogging can actually help second language learners with their writing. I believe in the principle "practice makes perfect". However, I wonder how would I improve my writing if no one corrects it for me since I would just repeat the same mistakes.
Second, I have more confidence to blog in Chinese than in English. I guess that is because Chinese is my first language. I have more confidence to use the language that I have known for over 20 years. I don't really want people to find English grammar mistakes in my blog. This is the main reason making me hesitant to blog in English.
Finally, I don't know what to write in my blog because it is open to the public. A lot of people blog because they want to share their ideas, opinions, daily lives, and even their feeling with others. I don't share my feelings with the public, instead I have something called a diary. The only place I would put my personal feelings is in a diary. I feel it is the same as being naked in public if I write my personal feelings in blog. Concerning my daily life, I feel that everyday is almost the same. I see nothing of worth in my daily life to share with others. With respect to sharing ideas and opinions with other people, I do so sometimes, but I carefully select my opinions and audiences beforehand.
Overall, blogging in English might be a good way for some people to practice their writing, but it might be not a good way for me, unless it is a requirement from my teacher.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
English and Me
For Tao Yuran.
I will pause before answering this question.
"How long have you studied English?"
It is not just because I have studied English for very long time, but also I feel shame at the length of time studying English is not equal to the level I should be on, especially after working for SLI. On the other hand, using myself as an example works well to encourage students when they are frustrated with learning Chinese.
I have studied English for... 12 years in Taiwan, and I have lived in America for... 3 years.
Generally speaking, the difficult parts of English are the parts that we don't have in Mandarin Chinese.
For example, I have difficulty pronouncing several vowels and consonants and saying phrases with the correct intonation. Also, I can't distinguish "m" & "n". I discovered this problem after working in the lab. When students spell their names to me, and the names have either "m" or "n" in them, I will just stop keying in.
With grammar, the most difficult part is the tense. I am okay with simple past, present, and future tense because they are, of course, simple. But when it becomes a little bit complicated, for example, perfect tense, I will get lost easily. As for pronouns, I am still learning to use them correctly. If I don't pay attention, I will always use he or she wrong.
Therefore, if I am tired or in a bad mood, I will make a lot of mistakes with my English even though I have studied English for 15 years.
I will pause before answering this question.
"How long have you studied English?"
It is not just because I have studied English for very long time, but also I feel shame at the length of time studying English is not equal to the level I should be on, especially after working for SLI. On the other hand, using myself as an example works well to encourage students when they are frustrated with learning Chinese.
I have studied English for... 12 years in Taiwan, and I have lived in America for... 3 years.
Generally speaking, the difficult parts of English are the parts that we don't have in Mandarin Chinese.
For example, I have difficulty pronouncing several vowels and consonants and saying phrases with the correct intonation. Also, I can't distinguish "m" & "n". I discovered this problem after working in the lab. When students spell their names to me, and the names have either "m" or "n" in them, I will just stop keying in.
With grammar, the most difficult part is the tense. I am okay with simple past, present, and future tense because they are, of course, simple. But when it becomes a little bit complicated, for example, perfect tense, I will get lost easily. As for pronouns, I am still learning to use them correctly. If I don't pay attention, I will always use he or she wrong.
Therefore, if I am tired or in a bad mood, I will make a lot of mistakes with my English even though I have studied English for 15 years.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Brooks College 不見了/ Brooks College is gone
Brooks College 不見了。
其實它已經不見了好久了，我還記得那時候是開車經過的時候發現的。當時很驚訝，後來開車經過的時候都會故意不去看它，快速開過。
我沒想到它會被拆掉。
我也記不太得是什麼時候的事，Brooks College 被Cal State Long Beach 買下來要當成校外的宿舍。學校的報紙49er 還在頭版報導了這件事。我拿了好幾份，自己留了一份，寄了其中一份給 Claire。我還記得那時候Brooks College的廚娘們和警衛都人心惶惶的，怕自己的工作不保，紛紛開始幫自己找後路。後來我就搬到現在租的房間裡，之後經過Brooks College 都好像空城一樣，也不知道還有沒有營運，直到我發現的時候，那包括餐廳的四棟建築物都不見了，只剩下圍起四周的綠色網子。
Brooks College 是我剛到美國頭兩年的生活的一部份。Crystal 和Catherine 總是說我是那裡的元老，沒有人像我在那裡住得那麼久的。我也覺得自己很像死守四行倉庫的謝團長，看著學生搬進搬出，每學期都是陌生的臉孔，除了一部份Brooks College自己的學生以外。
那時候，我每天搭 shuttle 去學校上課。如果是早上的課的話很煩，因為都要跟一堆人一起擠 shuttle ，下午或晚上的課，雖然比較有位子可以做，但是要等 shuttle 非常久。我剛搬到現在租的房間之後，有時候在 South turn around 看到 shuttle 都還有衝動想追。有些shuttle 司機人非常好，我記得某一個學期，我剛開始上早上 7:30am 開 language lab的門的班，都得非常早起，然後搭第一班的shuttle，那時候的的司機是一個白胖女人，我直到她有一次從司機座位上站起來，才驚覺她的體積還真不小。不過她人非常好，我那時候都會坐在她後面的位子，跟她聊聊天。我還記得有一個黑人小老頭，是一個非常溫和的人；當然也不會忘記長指甲黑女人，不太友善，開車超猛。
因為住在Brooks College有包餐，所以每天都得去餐廳吃飯。一開始覺得很新鮮，因為都是美國或墨西哥食物，不過吃久了真的很膩，那時候要多謝Olivia，常常開車帶我出去吃飯。
Brooks College的餐廳是我最喜歡的地方。可能是我真的很有廚娘緣，因為高中住宿舍的時候，宿舍的廚娘也對我很好，不過也可能是我很常去餐廳吃飯，所以Brooks College的廚娘和廚師都認識我，他們也都對我很好，每次都會跟我說話，教我墨西哥式的西班牙文。他們也常常睜一隻眼閉一隻眼讓我偷帶食物出去，或是另外做吃的給我。我還去參加過其中一位廚娘的妹妹的葬禮，Vicky也邀請我去她家參加過幾次他們家的party，菲律賓式的party。我搬出去之後，剛開始也常常回去看她們，她們也都會讓我帶很多食物回去吃，因為她們都知道我不會煮飯。
警衛們對我也很好，常常跟我說話。我還記得黑人警衛 Joseph，他每次看到認識的學生回來，都會很熱情的say hi。Joseph 有時候還會分煙給我抽，他會告訴我他的太太，他的未來的計畫。Eve 後來去了南加大唸書，他還載我去看Eve。
Brooks College後面的防火巷也是我很喜歡的地方。我常常在那裡抽煙。那裡也是我第一次跟Claire說話的地方。第一個學期結束之後，第一批在這裡認識的人都離開了，也只有Claire會陪我說話抽煙。住在Brooks College的後期，我常常深夜一個人在那裡散步抽煙。夏天的晚上，很涼，很安靜，春天的夜晚，還可以聞到不知名的花香。
我想家，想以前，想現在，想未來。只有香菸跟我，和昏黃的路燈。那時候總有景物依舊，人事已非的感嘆。
在Brooks College 認識很多國際學生。雖然有很多Cal State和Brooks College的學生住在那裡，不過因為我的英文很爛，也還很害羞，所以一直都沒認識什麼外國人。那裡的國際學生主要是從日本和韓國來的。因為文化相近，台灣又哈日又哈韓，所以要聊起來其實很快。也是因為他們，第一次讓我深深覺得緣分的可貴。我們從各個不同國家來到美國，又偏偏都選在Cal State Long Beach 唸書。那時候媽媽跟我說的一句話，真的讓我打從心裡freak out。媽說，等到那些人回到自己的國家之後，就可能一輩子都不會再見到面了！
也因為這樣，我在Brooks College 度過了好幾個一邊流淚一邊趕 final paper的期末。我還記得Vicky總是安慰我： Some people walk into your life, and then they will leave eventually. That's life. 然後我就會一邊忍著淚水說： but I'll try my best to keep them walking with me. 但是現在屈指算算，在Brooks College認識的台灣人都還保持聯絡，當初認識的那些日本韓國學生也是若有若無的聯繫著。我想如果沒有網路的話，他們真的都要變成我生命中的過客了。
我，也快要變成別人生命中的過客了。
我開始了解，為什麼每次經過只剩下綠色網子的Brooks College，我會故意不去看它，快速通過。
因為，就連景物... 都已經不一樣了。
其實它已經不見了好久了，我還記得那時候是開車經過的時候發現的。當時很驚訝，後來開車經過的時候都會故意不去看它，快速開過。
我沒想到它會被拆掉。
我也記不太得是什麼時候的事，Brooks College 被Cal State Long Beach 買下來要當成校外的宿舍。學校的報紙49er 還在頭版報導了這件事。我拿了好幾份，自己留了一份，寄了其中一份給 Claire。我還記得那時候Brooks College的廚娘們和警衛都人心惶惶的，怕自己的工作不保，紛紛開始幫自己找後路。後來我就搬到現在租的房間裡，之後經過Brooks College 都好像空城一樣，也不知道還有沒有營運，直到我發現的時候，那包括餐廳的四棟建築物都不見了，只剩下圍起四周的綠色網子。
Brooks College 是我剛到美國頭兩年的生活的一部份。Crystal 和Catherine 總是說我是那裡的元老，沒有人像我在那裡住得那麼久的。我也覺得自己很像死守四行倉庫的謝團長，看著學生搬進搬出，每學期都是陌生的臉孔，除了一部份Brooks College自己的學生以外。
那時候，我每天搭 shuttle 去學校上課。如果是早上的課的話很煩，因為都要跟一堆人一起擠 shuttle ，下午或晚上的課，雖然比較有位子可以做，但是要等 shuttle 非常久。我剛搬到現在租的房間之後，有時候在 South turn around 看到 shuttle 都還有衝動想追。有些shuttle 司機人非常好，我記得某一個學期，我剛開始上早上 7:30am 開 language lab的門的班，都得非常早起，然後搭第一班的shuttle，那時候的的司機是一個白胖女人，我直到她有一次從司機座位上站起來，才驚覺她的體積還真不小。不過她人非常好，我那時候都會坐在她後面的位子，跟她聊聊天。我還記得有一個黑人小老頭，是一個非常溫和的人；當然也不會忘記長指甲黑女人，不太友善，開車超猛。
因為住在Brooks College有包餐，所以每天都得去餐廳吃飯。一開始覺得很新鮮，因為都是美國或墨西哥食物，不過吃久了真的很膩，那時候要多謝Olivia，常常開車帶我出去吃飯。
Brooks College的餐廳是我最喜歡的地方。可能是我真的很有廚娘緣，因為高中住宿舍的時候，宿舍的廚娘也對我很好，不過也可能是我很常去餐廳吃飯，所以Brooks College的廚娘和廚師都認識我，他們也都對我很好，每次都會跟我說話，教我墨西哥式的西班牙文。他們也常常睜一隻眼閉一隻眼讓我偷帶食物出去，或是另外做吃的給我。我還去參加過其中一位廚娘的妹妹的葬禮，Vicky也邀請我去她家參加過幾次他們家的party，菲律賓式的party。我搬出去之後，剛開始也常常回去看她們，她們也都會讓我帶很多食物回去吃，因為她們都知道我不會煮飯。
警衛們對我也很好，常常跟我說話。我還記得黑人警衛 Joseph，他每次看到認識的學生回來，都會很熱情的say hi。Joseph 有時候還會分煙給我抽，他會告訴我他的太太，他的未來的計畫。Eve 後來去了南加大唸書，他還載我去看Eve。
Brooks College後面的防火巷也是我很喜歡的地方。我常常在那裡抽煙。那裡也是我第一次跟Claire說話的地方。第一個學期結束之後，第一批在這裡認識的人都離開了，也只有Claire會陪我說話抽煙。住在Brooks College的後期，我常常深夜一個人在那裡散步抽煙。夏天的晚上，很涼，很安靜，春天的夜晚，還可以聞到不知名的花香。
我想家，想以前，想現在，想未來。只有香菸跟我，和昏黃的路燈。那時候總有景物依舊，人事已非的感嘆。
在Brooks College 認識很多國際學生。雖然有很多Cal State和Brooks College的學生住在那裡，不過因為我的英文很爛，也還很害羞，所以一直都沒認識什麼外國人。那裡的國際學生主要是從日本和韓國來的。因為文化相近，台灣又哈日又哈韓，所以要聊起來其實很快。也是因為他們，第一次讓我深深覺得緣分的可貴。我們從各個不同國家來到美國，又偏偏都選在Cal State Long Beach 唸書。那時候媽媽跟我說的一句話，真的讓我打從心裡freak out。媽說，等到那些人回到自己的國家之後，就可能一輩子都不會再見到面了！
也因為這樣，我在Brooks College 度過了好幾個一邊流淚一邊趕 final paper的期末。我還記得Vicky總是安慰我： Some people walk into your life, and then they will leave eventually. That's life. 然後我就會一邊忍著淚水說： but I'll try my best to keep them walking with me. 但是現在屈指算算，在Brooks College認識的台灣人都還保持聯絡，當初認識的那些日本韓國學生也是若有若無的聯繫著。我想如果沒有網路的話，他們真的都要變成我生命中的過客了。
我，也快要變成別人生命中的過客了。
我開始了解，為什麼每次經過只剩下綠色網子的Brooks College，我會故意不去看它，快速通過。
因為，就連景物... 都已經不一樣了。
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